Where Am I?

During these past few months, inconsistency with my goals and plans has been prevalent. The right road seems so vivid but it`s so blurry like there was some fog obstructing the beautiful view outside the window. Life seems to go on as if it doesn`t stop. The days flew by like the wind whipping my face in swift motions.

Indecision and uncertainty have always been a part of living my life. Perhaps everything ought to be the way they should be. The way life seemed to have so many characters and flavors that it came to the point that it was almost far from understandable. It seems like it. Sometimes, you just have to flow to the rhythm of life until you find the reason to move farther towards life`s goals.

My thoughts seem to flow more slowly during these days. It`s as if I`m looking for something. Something peaceful and fulfilling. Is this God`s way of carefully letting me know my purpose?


- Kathryn

ATM Malfunction?

Hello everyone,

So far, it has been a busy week. I also experienced an unusual "ATM malfunction". I`ve also been working on gaining readers for my beauty blog. It has been a crazy week, but with God`s guidance, I hope and pray that I`ll do well.

The other day, I was at this place wherein there`s a line of ATM machines from different banks. While I was in line for Philippine National Bank`s ATM machine, the man in front of me who was using the machine tried to withdraw money but the money didn`t come out. Because of this, I refused to withdraw from that ATM machine.

Yesterday, I was outside the Banco De Oro, at their ATM machines to withdraw using the Philippine National Bank ATM card. I had a balance inquiry first, then I tried to withdraw. The money didn`t come out. I slightly tried to open the area where the money usually comes out, but it doesn`t seem like there`s an obstruction. I reported this inside the Banco De Oro. The employee called the customer service of BDO and I told the customer service employee what happened. She instructed me to call PNB. It took awhile before I talked to the customer service employee of PNB. Again, I told the PNB employee what happened, then we exchanged some information. She told me to check the account after 24 hours because there might be an auto-reverse wherein the ATM would detect that it didn`t provide the appropriate money so it`ll return the money into the account. If there`s no auto-reverse, I was advised to call them again.

Nevertheless, I hope I`ll be able to get the money back because there had been a lot of news lately about ATM malfunctions especially with Bank of the Philippine Islands. There were even reports that some customers lost thousands of money in their account because there could have been a possibility of having the information of the ATM card copied. I hope everything will be fine and I hope none of the information of the ATM card that I used has been copied.

This week had been quite a chaotic week. I have been trying to blog a lot so I can have more content in my blog. Despite the crazy start of my week, I`m thankful that I`ve been enjoying blogging. I hope to write quality, interesting and helpful contents for my readers.

With God`s guidance and love, I hope and pray that this week will be a peaceful, proper, organized and blessed one.


Thank you for reading. Have a very lovely life everybody! ♡

- Kathryn

Some Things Are Not Worth Being Happy For

There are many things in this world we should be grateful for, but sometimes some things are just not worth being happy for. There are circumstances in life wherein you`ve had enough lies, deceits and confusion that you no longer know what to believe. There are things you currently can`t ignore but have to endure. Life is full of twists and turns.

There are situations in life wherein you don`t know who you`ll believe. The confusion and tangled information can be really difficult to fix. And often times, the person who knows the answers is someone unbelievable due to the inconsistency of the matching of words and actions. With this, uncertainty in making decisions for your own and other people`s life can be quite complicated.

It`s so hard living with information hanging around yet you still don`t know the facts. The people around you might know a bit of the facts but nothing`s factual unless otherwise stated by the person who truly knows the answers. But mostly, if that person`s very inconsistent with the way actions and words are being presented, ideas and details won`t be verifiable as factual. By this, nothing like a person like me can do but let go of the twisted mind. 

Some things are not worth being happy for. Like being disrespected, being slapped by a person`s improper acts, being ultimately less than happy because of an alien or having a disrupted life because of one`s irresponsibility. If that`s how life works, what can I do?

The uncomfortability I feel is high. The tangled mind I have is trying to get a grip of reality. Is this how it should be done? Why can`t some people be a little more sensitive? Or, is it because they`re not facing the obligations of acting properly? Why?

With God`s help, I`ll be protected and strengthened. Some things might not be worth being happy for, but those things shouldn`t make you and I unhappy. They should serve as a motivating force not to be part of the things that are not worth being happy for. They shouldn`t throttle us to misery but instead they should be there to help us be a better person.

- Kathryn

A Blessed Day: My Sister`s Birthday (2014) and Time with Family

Today, I and my family went to Max`s restaurant to celebrate my older sister`s birthday. She is turning more beautiful and wonderful this year. Coincidentally, the package she sent us arrived today. It was a normal but blessed day.

Earlier, my sister called to confirm our location of celebration. Unfortunately, my younger brother didn`t want to go out because he said his body hurts due to playing sports the other day. After several convincing, he decided to just go out. It`s always nice to have bonding moments outside our home. We were supposed to go to Kamay Kainan, an eat-all-you-can place but we all decided to just go to the good old Max`s Restaurant.

My older sister, Kathleen "Athle", has been a good role model for me and my younger brother. She supported us in many ways. We miss and love her. Today`s celebration is not only a commemoration of the wonderful gift God has presented us, but also the celebration of my sister`s beautiful years with us.

Surprisingly, the package she sent us arrived today. It contained our basic necessities.

Earlier, my brother also convinced me to buy the Ferrero Rocher chocolates because he had a throwback moment then I mentioned that there was a buy 1 take 1 sale for this. I didn`t want to buy it because I don`t think I needed it but we ended up buying it because my brother was feeling sentimental since he defended that it has been a long time since we ate Ferrero Rocher. But for good times` sake, I let him buy the chocolates. We got a good deal though since it was only Php 565 for both boxes.

Also, as I was looking through photo albums, I recognized a familiar handwriting. It was an old penmanship of mine when I was a young child. And it has a very childlike description of a missing photo. It says "More teddy bears, More toys, More Fun, smile". It was so nice every time some seemingly insignificant thing becomes so precious because of the memories that fills the empty spaces in the capacity to remember the older days. The moments I had before as a child was represented by this simple remembrance.

This day`s full of blessings. Despite small disagreements and misunderstandings with my family, we still managed to get along well. Although this day`s more unusual than most of my days. I`m happy because I was able to spend time with my family. It was also a great day because my sister was able to complete another year. I am very grateful to have a sister like her.

Everyday`s full of events we might not have foreseen, but the important thing is we make the most out of every thing in our lives. Live, laugh and love. Life`s beautiful when you see it that way.


- Kathryn

My Mother`s First Death Anniversary

Today is June 11, 2014. A year ago, my mother passed away. It all came to us in a shock despite the knowledge that she was terribly sick. It was so confusing to why God let that happen knowing that she is needed and loved by many. I had all these undependable plans in my head on how the future is going to be but the twisted planned destiny still gave a scare.

Life is so unpredictable. One day, you`re happy but then the next day you`re just miserable. I can still vividly remember how I found out that my mother passed away. During those times, I just entered a new chapter of my life in college. I was doing well at school and adjusting to the new environments I was in. During those moments, most of the things I have in mind are plans, goals and dreams in life. I was so intent in reaching higher achievements in life that I often take for granted my relationships with people and God in exchange for the prides and honors in life.

By realizing the happenings that has happened in my life, I look back and think how uncertain life is. I just remembered that I was a bubbly, independent, loving, caring, bright, and wide-eyed child but now I`m an unpredictable teen in an erratic world. Because it seems like the lemonades I was given were overwhelming enough to change the way I view most things in life.

Just like the despaired body of my mother, a lot of things end. When something`s twisted, it`s the end of that flow giving way to another route. And things happen because there are reasons we may or may not ever know. Every day isn`t the same because every second that comes brings new hope that something better and fresher will come.

When I was heading to the living room when I was being called, there was a seemingly mysterious air that tells me something was up and in my head, I asked myself if I was going to hear the words I knew that someday I`ll need to hear. And when I heard the faint words of "..Wala na ang mommy niyo..." (Translation: "Your mother`s no longer here"), I quietly and calmly sat to the nearest sofa, grabbed the pillow next to me, covered my face immediately and poured my bereavement, confusion, and chaos in that immediate hiding place.

I thought that I was brave enough to face almost anything in this world. Whenever I thought of anything emotional, crying uncontrollably isn`t even one of the many things I would prefer to do. I thought I can cover-up the true feelings I had and save it for later drama in my room. But, some things are meant to be real.

My mother`s life has blessed me with great things. First of all, she brought me to a real environment enveloped with real emotions of people that showed true passion and love in life. Second, she presented me the wonders of God, family, education, friendships and love. Third, she showed me the actual world we live in. The unreliable and changing world that`s filled with good and bad things. And last, She was the medium to why I am right here.

She was a wonderful mother. She will be missed. Despite possessing the characteristics of a typical mother, she did what she can to the best of her ability and I admire her for that. Things can always be inconsistent but that`s part of life. Through these events in my life. I have learned to always appreciate and be grateful for the presents in my present. I realized that things may not always go as planned but there are always better doors to open.

- Kathryn

No More Old Self

I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate my self. I`m not good enough. I`m not good enough. I`m not good enough. I`m not good enough. I`m not good enough. I`m not good enough. I`m not good enough. I`m not good enough. I`m not worth it. I`m not worth it. I`m not worth it. I`m not worth it. I`m useless. I`m useless. I`m useless. I`m useless. I`m useless. I`m useless. I`m useless. I`m useless. I`m worthless. I`m worthless. I`m worthless. I`m worthless. I`m worthless. I`m no good. I`m not going to get better. I have no capacity to move on. I can`t move forward. I`m sad. I`m useless. I`m not feeling good. I`m not okay. I`m not loved. I feel like crap. I`m very sad. I`m alone. I can`t.

Exhausted And Unhappy

During the past few days, my life seems so messed up. It`s as if it`s in a state where it shouldn`t be. I am so exhausted with how things were poorly done in my life. I`m so fed up with the inconsistency of the beautiful things I should be having in life. Everything`s so complicated and confusing that often, I wonder if I`ll ever be even through such horrible times. I am so disgusted with the evil things around me yet I can`t even be as righteous as I can and ought to be. Everything`s tangled up, it`s as if I`m in the middle of a braided war between myself and situations. I often want to be isolated because that way, I`m away from human things. I just want to be whole and new. God, please help me. I am disoriented and melancholy. I am poor in your eyes. Please heal me, Lord. Thank you very much.

- Kathryn